From the fruit of his mouth a man’s stomach is filled; with the harvest from his lips he is satisfied. The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. (18:20-21)
Ever heard of eating your words? That is the concept behind Proverbs 18:20-21. They are interesting verses. Basically they remind us that our words have power…in fact so much power that they can bring life or death to the soul of another person. Probably all of us can remember words spoken to us as children that we still remember and that still impact us today. Words are powerful.
Jesus confirms this thought in the Sermon on the Mount when he says that those who call another person, “Raca!” (i.e., Empty-head!) or “You fool!” have in effect violated God’s command against murder. Why? Because they express a hatred toward another person designed to wound the soul if not the body.
D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, a preacher from a prior generation, hit the nail on the head when he said: “…There are ways in which men can be destroyed short of murder. We can destroy a man’s reputation, we can shake somebody else’s confidence in him by whispering criticism or by deliberate fault finding. …Killing does not only mean destroying life physically, it means still more trying to destroy the spirit and the soul, destroying the person in any shape or form.” Whoa. Death and life are indeed in the power of the tongue.
And, in the end, we will eat the “fruit” of our words. Our words have impact. And we are responsible for them. Again the words of Jesus: “…For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out fo the evil treasure brings forth evil things. But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned” (Matthew 12:34b-37).
The forcefulness of Jesus’ words makes you understand why Proverbs says the wise man learns to “restrain his lips” (Proverbs 10:19) and why James says that the person who can control his tongue is a “perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check” (James 3:2).
Lord, purify my heart that my words may glorify You and bring life to others.
He who loves a quarrel loves sin; he who builds a high gate invites destruction (17:19).
This verse caught my attention today for two reasons:
1) I don’t like conflict and this verse reminds me that that’s okay. I shouldn’t like conflict! As Paul says in Romans 12:18, If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. That “as far as it depends on you” is the key. We can’t run from conflict and, unfortunately, in this world we cannot avoid it. But we can do all we can to be peacemakers and to avoid silly disputes that emerge mostly out of our pride and obstinance.
2) I am not sure how to interpret the second part of the proverb. I read it a few times and even looked at it in a few other translations. That didn’t help at all. I looked at one commentary and it gave me a little insight, “Those who love to quarrel and bring suits, however, build a ‘high gate’; that is, they become isolated. Such persons are alone in the world and bring disaster upon themselves” (Garrett, 161). Interesting thought. The one who loves to quarrel is the same one who “builds a high gate.” Quarrelers erect a wall against relationships. No one is allowed in. That’s why quarreling doesn’t bother them. They have no stake in relationship.
However, another thought also hit me. It could be that the second half of the verse is providing a contrast to the first. The person who loves to quarrel loves to sin but, on the other hand, the one who builds a high gate and tries to protect himself from all conflict in relationship destroys himself. In other words, we should not love quarrels. Such a love would be downright foolish and identify a person as being mean-spirited, bitter, immature or kooky. But, by the same token, we should not build walls around our lives and isolate ourselves in order to avoid conflict. Relationships are risky at times. There will be pain and conflict. But the risk is worth taking.
That’s why Proverbs 17 also says, He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends (17:9). In relationships, there will be offenses. There will be “bumps on the road,” irritants under the skin, misunderstandings, miscommunications, mistakes, and misdeeds. The solution is not to start arguing nor to run off and hide. The only real solution is through the path of forgiveness.
The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction. (16:21)
Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. (16:24)
I also like how the New American Standard translates the last part of verse 21: “…Sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness.” The idea is simple. Learning to speak with genuine kindness and graciousness increases the effectiveness of our words and brings refreshment to others.
This is not flattery. Flattery is insincere praise with an underlying selfish motive. I praise you to get something from you. Instead the Bible encourages us to speak “pleasant words” to bring sweetness to another person’s soul and healing to their body (wow, there’s a concept in itself!). The motive is for the other person’s benefit.
I think Christians often miss this truth. Somehow we believe that we are not being truly faithful to the gospel unless we are offending someone. Now, true, the gospel is often offensive to people because it confronts our sinfulness and denies our ability to earn our salvation. However the Bible never condones offensiveness in our speech. In fact, Paul clearly states, “Let your speech always be full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone” (Colossians 4:6). I don’t see any exceptions to this rule.
The effectiveness of the gospel (or of teaching in general) is not increased by yelling and in-your-face confrontation. According to Proverbs, it is increased by “sweetness of speech.” This is also called speaking the truth in love. And, based on 1 Corinthians 13, we know that love is kind (13:4), not rude (13:5), and not provoked to anger (13:5).
This truth not only has application to our speech to unbelievers but, for myself, I am also reminded of my words as a parent. It is easy as a parent to resort to stern rebukes and frustrated half-yells. Kids know how to push your buttons and they usually push them at the wrong times. Every once in awhile I listen to myself and I don’t like what I hear. My words lack graciousness and sweetness. I bypass the honeycomb and apply the sting.
There is a way to discipline without losing the graciousness of one’s speech. There is a way to speak hard truth while displaying the softness of love. Only through the power of the Holy Spirit am I able to find that balance.
Lord, fill my heart with Your power and love so that my mouth can overflow with the sweetness of Your grace.