All my longings lie open before You, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from You. My heart pounds, my strength fails me; even the light has gone from my eyes. (Psalm 38:9-10)
The context of this psalm is unknown. David wrote it but we do not know when or under what circumstance. From reading the psalm it is apparent that it was written after David had sinned in some way. David talks about God’s discipline and wrath (1), his sin (3), his guilt (4), his sinful folly (5), and his iniquity (18). Obviously other people are aware of David’s sinful folly since they are using it against him or as an excuse to avoid him. Such a description makes me think this psalm was written sometime after David’s sin with Bathsheba or possibly around his troubles with his son, Absalom.
Whatever the case, one thing is clear in this psalm…sin brings pain. And not necessarily physical pain. Physical pain is probably the pain that we are most aware of and most able to talk about. But this was not the primary pain on David’s mind. David describes a deeper emotional and spiritual pain that actually began to manifest itself in physical pain.
The words David uses in this psalm are incredibly descriptive. Your arrows have pierced me…my bones have no soundness…my wounds fester and are loathsome…I am bowed down…my back is filled with searing pain…I am utterly crushed…I groan in anguish of heart…I am about to fall and my pain is every with me. Verses 9-10 also stand out. My sighing is not hidden from You. My heart pounds. My strength fails. The light has gone from my eyes.
David felt this tremendous weight of guilt. He blew it. He messed up royally. And worst yet, his sinful folly was exposed for others to see, to comment on, to critique, to mock. David wallowed in sorrow and grief. He felt his world crashing in. And as his emotional pain increased, his body began to break down.
I imagine we have three choices at this point in our lives…when we come face to face with our sin, when we see the wounds of our heart, when we simply recognize that we fall short of God’s standards, even our own standards…
1) We can shut down emotionally. We can start hardening our heart, making it less penetrable. Start lashing out at others. Start finding their faults and exposing them. Become a rock. Become cynical. Become angry. Even start lashing out at God for having such righteous demands, such unreasonable standards. …Or on the flip side, become self-righteous and “religious,” pretending we have our act together while focusing on the sins of others.
2) We can live in increasing depression and guilt. We can let the weight of sin crush us. Let shame consume us. Become immobilized, paralyzed. Shuffle through life waiting for it to end or even contemplate ending it ourselves.
3) We can acknowledge our sin and cry out to God for healing and salvation.
David did not downplay his sin. He did not blame it on his parents or his environment or his genetics. He did not stuff his emotions. He did turn to addiction to numb his pain. Instead he looked squarely at the condition of his heart. He looked at his loathsome wounds and cried out to God for healing. O LORD, do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior (38:21-22).
Those three choices still confront us today. Shut down. Give up. Or cry out.
Of course, we have one advantage that David did not have. We clearly see the cross. God’s love is no longer an abstract concept; it is visibly demonstrated in the life and death of Jesus Christ. David’s prayer has been answered. The Lord, our Savior, has come to help us.
Lord, may I be honest before You. May I not hide my sin. May I not blame it on others. May I humbly come to You in repentance and joyfully live with Your forgiveness.