Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him. Even so, I will defend my own ways before Him (Job 13:15a, NKJV).
O God, grant me these two things, and then I will be able to face you. Remove your heavy hand from me, and don’t terrify me with your awesome presence. (Job 13:20-21, New Living Translation)
In Job 13, Job seems to bounce between anger, faith, and despair.
His anger is primarily directed at his friends. You are all worthless physicians (13:4). They were speaking with certainty about Job’s plight as if they spoke for God. Job knew better and asked, Doesn’t his majesty terrify you? Doesn’t your fear of him overwhelm you? (13:11). In other words, before you start acting as if you speak for God and are omniscient in all matters, shouldn’t you consider what the possible consequences are? God surely will not hold you blameless if you presume to be His spokesman and twist or misrepresent the truth.
As for himself, Job still believes in God but he is struggling to hold onto that faith. Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him! There is no greater declaration of faith. I will trust God no matter what! But that faith is teetering. In fact, Job offers God a bargain in verses 20-21. “God, I will not hide from You if You only do two things for me: remove Your heavy hand of judgment from me and stop terrifying me!” Job trusted God but he did not understand Him and certainly struggled to believe in His fairness and goodness. Why do You hide Your face and regard me as Your enemy? (13:24) What are You doing, God? And why are You now punishing me so severely for past sins? Give me a chance to defend myself before You or just leave me alone!
The thought that hit me this morning is that true faith is not without its valleys and struggles. Sometimes I think that “true faith” must be this unwavering, unfaltering dependence and trust in God. No doubts. No questions. No fears. No lapses. Yet when you read Job or read the Psalms or read the stories of those in the Bible, you realize that faith is more like a fight. “I don’t understand, but I am going to keep fighting to trust. I don’t see God’s hand, but I am going to keep fighting to believe. I am filled with anxiety, but I am going to keep fighting to find rest in God.” Why would it be any other way? When we see God face to face and are forever in His presence, then our faith will be realized. Then it will be unwavering. On this earth, in this flesh, faith will always be a fight.
To Job’s friends, faith is not a fight. They have it all figured out. Of course, they are also living a life of ease. Faith is easy in such times. But, then again, is that really faith? How does faith ever manifest itself if it is not challenged, stretched, or pulled toward unbelief? Sort of like courage. How do you know a person is courageous unless they face fearful moments and still keep moving forward? Just as fear brings courage to light, even so it is doubt that brings faith to light.
Job is fighting and in the process he is finding out the true nature of faith.
Lord, in the midst of my struggles, doubts, and fears, help me to keep fighting to trust in You.